May 14, 2012

Iglesia Bautista of Brownsville sues neighbor from hell!

Iglesia Bautista of Brownsville is suing their next door neighbor for terrorizing the church goers with motion detectors that squirts painful jets of water destroying automobiles windshields and thousands of dollars in bibles being swept away and destroyed by the water.  Reverendo Pina informed the Brownsville Monitor that they started noticing the problems with the neighbor when the parish started to park their vehicles all around his lawn, on top of his bed of  roses and in front of his property. Mr X. as the neighbor likes to be called complained to the Reverend back in April 2008 and submitted a bill in the amount of $200 dollars for some tarnished palm trees.  The Brownsville Monitor was able to locate court documents where Mr. X sued Iglesia Bautista for damages to his property. When interviewed for this story when we arrived to his residence, Cameraman Benito Gonzalez was thrown to the ground by a massive and powerful spray of water resulting in the loss of our equipment. Mr X. sat comfortably in his lounge chair with his faithful companion a small chihuahua and just shrugged his shoulders when asked why of the motion detectors in his small lawn that shot out water when activated.  "I have a  raccoon problem, so i went to the local wawa and bought this small motion detector that squirts the water and the problem solved".  Yes, the devices are sold at the local Wawas but they are meant for ranches and big properties, not for small lawns, they are useful for big lawns or properties that are being targeted by raccoons, deer, or small vermin that can destroy crops or lawn. The device picks up motion and a powerful squirt of water is released up to 400 ft. The "small squirt" is in fact so powerful, one lady church goer lost her blouse in the ordeal on Easter Sunday.  Katherina Jones stated " I was just parking my Tahoe in his lawn, i did step on some of his flowers but we were running late for the service and everyone else is doing it, as soon as i got down i got all wet and i had to go inside my car and cover myself with my jacket, this man . is an evil man for putting those hoses and those devices, he is targeting our religion".

As of today, some of the church goers have decided to use umbrellas or cover themselves with towels instead of doing the christian thing and just park in one of the four luxurious parking lots the church owns. When asked why did they intentionally were destroying this old man garden and lawn by parking and stomping on the grounds, most of the Baptists just looked away or laughed.  "Is this the christian way of respecting and honoring your neighbor?? Mr X. shouts at the parish while the Reverend chuckles:
 "Nope, we are baptists, we dont give a damn.".

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