March 28, 2013

Border Patrol Agents and Brownsville PD to host First Annual Flea Market Day.

The Border Patrol Agency stationed in the city of Weslaco, Texas and the Brownsville PD are getting ready to start off the First Annual Flea Market Extravaganza in the Brownsville Downtown District to take place every second Thursday of the month, starting May 2013.  Cameron County residents are going to be able to make bids and purchase goods that the Border Patrol and Brownsville PD have confiscated in the past five years.  The public is invited to attend the grand inauguration of the Market day that will start with an outdoor concert where members of the Foncerrada family will delight fans with their sappy flamenco songs, also Vocalist from Shinedown and band SIGGNO will put on a free show in the old bus terminal for all the public to enjoy.

Items that will be put up for sale in the Flea Market Extravaganza will include and are not limited to:

Fiona Apple 
Queso Panela
Queso Oaxaca
Coach and Versavce Purses and Sunglasses
Marijuana (only available to buyers that posses a medical marijuana id and bracelet to purchase the drug).
Tomatoes from Matamoros
Mistery Packages with red and black duct tape
Automatic Weapons
Weapons of Mass Destruction
Anime Porn
Mexican Illegals
Panamenian Illegals
Honduras Presidents
Cantinflas DVD's
Puma Shoes
Camping Equipment
Tinted Ford Explorers
Easter Eggs
Ropa Usada
Bunnies.. etc. etc.

March 26, 2013

Ciudadanos de Matamoros no podran pasar mandado comprado con Lonestar

La agencia de inmigracion localizada en  el puente viejo y nuevo va a llevar a cabo una redada empezando este jueves santo en la que peatones que sean sorprendidos cruzando mandado comprado con la tarjeta lonestar sera confiscado y los traunsentes implicados seran multados o peor aun deportados y su visa laser o residencia revocada.

Todo este dilema empezo cuando un tabajador en una gasolinera exon en la vecina ciudad de brownsville noto una pareja comprando refrescos y cuando pago uso su tarjeta lonestar.  El cajero decidio checar el recibo y descubrio un balance de mas de 8,000 dolares en esa tarjeta de lonestar, fue tanto su enfado que localizo al famoso reportero Ryan Wolf de el canal cuatro del valle que decidio ir a la gasolinera, entrevistar al empleado y mostrar en camara dicho recibo.

Miles de matamorenses viven de la gran ayuda del gobierno Americano, en especial de los programas de comida y salud de Texas.  Este simple delito ha estado pasando por anos y parecia no perjudicar a nadie, que saben los residentes de Brownsville y el condado de Cameron, de gente que en realidad necesita comer? si ellos no creen necesitar de la tarjeta de lonestar o no tienen acceso a Medicaid, por que condenar a residentes que cruzan todos los dias a Matamoros, pero trabajan de este lado? La mayoria de las personas que cruzan el mandado comprado con lonestar son gente que viven en la periferia de matamoros, que muy apenas tienen para comer.

Asi que cuidado, los agentes de verde van a estar esperandolos, los van a intimidar, los van a manosear, y si ustedes muestran su recibo y muestran un balance de lonestar maldiga en silencio al mentado Wolf y a un cajero vale verga que no se pudo callar el hocico.

March 25, 2013

Border Patrol setting up pedestrians inspections to rule out LONESTAR recipients not to cross Groceries into Mexico

Border Patrol Agents along the Rio Grande Valley are going to be inspecting pedestrians that are seen carrying bags of groceries from local HEB's and Walmart stores into Mexico to rule out if they were purchased with the famous SNAP benefits card known as LONE STAR.

The Agents are going to be able to stop and inspect the goods and groceries purchased and demand to verify the receipt ticket, if the ticket shows that the goods were purchased with the SNAP card Border Patrol Agents will contact local authorities and Texas Health Commission Case Workers to enforce the revocation of the SNAP and Medicaid benefits in the spot and the individuals caught doing this illegal action will face up to 12,000 dollars in fines and the possibility of their residency card or visa being taken away.  Border Patrol Agents and DEA are also willing to place these individuals in the most wanted list so they dont go to other states and receive benefits that they do not clearly need because they are not even living in the county.

Mayor Tony Martinez has approved of this plan and has stated that his own family survived throughout the 60's on welfare and he thinks is ridiculous that Mexican Nationals come over to the US and rip off benefits that his family and neighbors might use in the future.

March 24, 2013

Sabal Texana Association to Sponsor Canoes Rides along the Rio Grande River.

The Sabal Texana Association is sponsoring free canoes rides along the Rio Grande River during the months of April through July.  Cameron County Mayor is encouraging the public to sign up for the free rides that will available to the residents of the Rio Grande Valley from 5:00 a.m. till 7:30 p.m. from Thursday till Sunday.  Cameron County PD and Border Patrol Agency have asked the public to please bring current passports or birth certificates to the registration booths that are going to be open to the public starting April 4th in all HEB's in the city of Brownsville and also The Michoacana Meat Market and Aguas Frescas Stand.

Cameron County residents that are not US citizens will not be able to participate in the activities scheduled but they are going to receive discounts tickets to tour the ancient Rabbi Plantation and take part in picking up the trash and shrubbery that surrounds the magnificent Rabbi House and adjacent areas. People riding the canoes are encouraged to BYOB and wines and are going to be able to take video and photographs of the fauna and flora located along the river.  Also available to the public participating in this great jubilee are air tubes that they are going to be able to rent for 12 dollars a ride and they can also ride with a small child or teenager for the prize of only 5 dollars.

Due to the escalating Mexican Border Violence, Brownsville PD and Border Patrol are going to be offering Kevlar vests to the participants of the rides as well as semi automatic weapons that they can use if they feel threatened by any passerby or onlooker on the Mexican side of the river, the new "Samaritan law" that is already enforced in the County that states that " if a pinche mexican or resident looks at me ugly while i am canoeing in the river, well i can pop a cap on that ass and no one will touch me" is in effect for all the public involved in this family oriented festival that Brownsville Mayor Tony Tormenta and Sabal Texana Association
offer to the great citizens of the Rio Grande Valley.

March 21, 2013

Rene Olivra, State Representative on Life Support after ATX crash

Rene Olivira was involved in an automobile accident earlier today in PapaGallo, Texas and has been listed in critical condition and was placed on life support.  Doctors at Setona Hospital have told authorities that he has been placed in an induced coma  due to extreme pain and headaches that the attorney complained of.  Rene Olivira told his family that he was driving a little bit to fast when a truck cut in front of him making him crash into the side of the HWY.

Mr. Olivira asked the staff and Doctors at Setona Hospital to sedate him instantly because he did not wanted the media to find out that he crashed his new aerostar and that he did not remember if he had been drinking earlier that day.

No word yet on the owner of the Aerostar van that claimed the vehicle was stolen when Papagallo PD knocked on his door submitting a bill for damages and to place him under arrest for the crash.

March 20, 2013

Brownsville Couple arrested after bloody fight outside Walmart

Tony Hernadez and his common in law wife Kaylee Green  were arrested earlier today outside Walmart Superstore located off  HWY 48. Walmart employees frantically made several 911 calls alerting authorities of a brawl in their store and letting them know that a couple were fighting with each other and that the man was beating his girlfriend with a shoe and then proceeded to run towards the rifles section and harassed an employee into letting him grab a rifle because "he feared for his life".  The brawl was caught on tape, and it was also noted that the woman grab some speakers and proceeded to beat the man until both of them took the fight to the entrance of the store.  Two Walmart employees got hurt when they tried to snatch away the shoes and electronics that the couple were using against each other.  When Brownsville PD arrived at the store the couple was still fighting, Mr. Hernandez was limping because when he was kicking his girlfriend he accidentaly kicked a shopping cart so paramedics had to be called to the scene to rule out any brokens bones.  Both Mr. Hernandez and Miss Green were in the valley due to spring break vacation and stated the fight started because Miss Green was mooning some of the shoppers at the store.

Judge Nietszche set both their bonds at 35,000 dollars and charged them with aggravating assault with a deadly weapon and to pay Walmart the sum of 6700 dollars in damages.

March 19, 2013

Helicopter Crashes at Brownsville International Bridge

This just in:

A helicopter has crashed in the Brownsville/Matamoros International Bridge no casualties are reported but Mexican Officials have stated that the helicopter was not part of the Mexican Army and bundles of cocaine have been spotted among the debris.

Border Patrol and Customs agents were the first to respond to the fiery accident and rendered aid to a disoriented Mexican National that appeared to have second degree burns all over his body. The bridge is going to remain closed for the remainder of the night until further notice.  

Famed singer Peter Murphy convicted to Five years due to DUI hit and Run

Famed singer Peter Murphy famous for his hits "She's in parties" and "Bela Lugosi is Dead" was arraigned and charged earlier today with two counts of aggravating assault with a motorized vehicle and DUI.  The singer that has been residing in Texas for the past ten years was scheduled to perform in various cities including Austin, Texas, Houston and Nuevo Laredo.  Promoters have cancelled the remaining of his
North American  Tour and have posted in social medias like FB and Twitter that the singer has agreed to refund all the monies from tickets already purchased and insists on his innocence claiming he was not driving the sport utility vehicle that charged among a crowd of bystanders in Austin's famous Red River district.  Twelve spring-breakers that were walking in the sidewalk were critically injured when the singers car plunged at them and proceeded to make a complete stop when it slammed into a pizzeria injuring the night manager and two waiters that were cleaning up the establishment.  Attorneys representing the singer claimed that he was not driving the automobile and that he was not under the influence of alcohol but of diazepam that a doctor in the Austin area had recently prescribed for his bouts of insomnia   Mr. Murphy attorneys want to reach a plea deal with the DA so that the singer can fulfill his sold out tour dates and not disappoint the thousands of fans that are still hoping to see him live in the next few weeks.

March 18, 2013

Bombing at Los Tomates Bridge Five reported Dead

A mass bombing in the Mexican side of the Los Tomates Bridge in Brownsville, Texas was reported today Monday at around 4:50p.m.  Five people are among the dead including one resident of Brownsville, Texas that was crossing with his family in his car when the bridge collapsed near the Mexican side in the Rio Grande River.

Rescue workers from the neighboring city of Matamoros and Brownsville PD are trying to rescue survivors that are still pinned in their cars in the Rio Grande River with tons of concrete and cement and debris.  Among the several yards of debris twelve cars have been spotted buried among the rubble with at least ten people waiting patiently by the river edge waiting for help and the rescue team to provide aid to them.

More information available tonight in Channel 4 News RGVT.

March 16, 2013

Lil Wayne seizures due to Codeine Addiction.

Lil Wayne took to Twitter and tried to calm down millions of fans that thought the rapper had succumbed to two major seizures this past week.  Doctors at Cedars Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles, California have stated to the media that the rapper was in fact in an induced coma because they feared serious complications when the rapper suffer seizures in a recent video shoot with rihanna and nicky minaj that  resulted in a cracked jaw.

Rumor has it the seizures that the rapper suffer are due to a addiction to Codeine that Lil Wayne has talked about in songs and when he tweets, and sources close to the megastar are worried that if he does not receive treatment for his addiction or at least an intervention, the famed rapper will lose his life next time.

March 15, 2013

Rapper Lil Wayne on Life Support after suffering Major Seizures

Rapper Lil Wayne has been placed on life support this evening. The rapper was shooting a cameo for a new video featuring Rihanna when he succumbed to two major seizures that rendered him unconscious and provoked a cracked jaw when he fell from a sports car he was driving during the shooting of the video. Lil Wayne mother and manager released a statement that after trying unsuccessfully to revive they had decided to place him in life support while the figure out if he shows any brain activity or if his organs could be place with several individuals that are in dire need of surgery to replace vital organs. Lil Wayne had suffered several episodes earlier this year when he fainted during a concert in the Malvinas Islands but he added jokingly that his doctor had prescribed medication and to drink up to four gallons a water a daily. Lil Wayne also noted earlier this year that he has not stopped smoking marijuana and that the allegations that marijuana use actually provoked the seizures was a stupid idea without no fundament.

March 14, 2013

Bus loads of African Males Headed to Brownsville Tx To protest

Busloads of African-American males make their way down to the Mexican Grandare vally tonite to protest what they call discrimination by lack of representation. As one smart young black leader Marcene Marks put it this way." Well that's just the thing we are not sure why there are no African Americans in the Brownsville Texas area what kind of discrimination is this that's what we intend to find out"

busloads of African-American males make their way from throughout this country places far away from the Mexican American border faraway places such as Atlanta Georgia Little Rock Arkansas St. Louis Missouri "we heard it wasnt but a bunch of Mexicans down there and that dont seem right. We the black people were everywhere today." The mayor of Brownsville Texas Tony the tormentor Martinez said he planned to meet the young colors at the edge of town as they arrive with his deputies in order to give them a warm welcome.

March 12, 2013

SPI Springbreakers report UFO sightings near LOUIES backyard

Frantic phone calls from spring breakers concerned over bright lights that were hovering near the dance floor in South Padre Island famous LOUIE'S backyard were reported this past weekend. Brownsville PD and Port Isabel PD were summoned by the owners and staff of the famous bar due to a stampede of college students in the famous bar restaurant. Staff and owners of the bar could not calm and control the thousands of college students that were attending a rave night and freaked out when they noticed several UFOs flying above them flashing beams of bright lights into their faces and bodies. Scared and disoriented spring breakers tried to leave the dance floor in a hurry prompting a stampede that injured several dozens waiters and people that were dancing in the dance floor. 911 operators had to contact the Cameron County Fire Department and Brownsville Pd for assistance in the human stampede and to render medical aid to the hundreds of injured men and women that laid out on the street screaming in pain and scared of the aliens that had terrorize them in the dance floor. Brownsville PD released a statement this Tuesday morning stating that a bad batch of Ecstasy was distributed among the patrons of the famous bar and that in fact it was the reaction of the X and alcohol that made the staff and sprinbreakers believe that UFOs were going to kidnap them when in fact the lights and UFO's were the dj's sound and lights system that send the attendants into a nervous chaos that injured several hundred people when they were trying to flee the aliens that were not..

March 6, 2013

Tony "Tormenta" Martinez Brownsville Mayor mauled by Doberman

Tony Tormenta has been rushed to Valley Baptist Medical Center in Mcallen, Texas due to being mauled earlier this afternoon by a stray doberman.  It all happened when the Mayor was leaving his downtown office and was approached by an individual that asked him for some money, when the entourage of the mayor and his personal assistant refused to help the panhandler the dog that was with the man  mauled and aggressively attacked the mayor causing several facial lacerations as well as ripping out his left testicle.  Eyewitness to the scene claimed the man is a famed crack head addict that roams the streets of West Brownsville and lately has been seeing walking around with a skinny brown doberman.  Brownsville PD is asking for the public assistance in spotting this individual and the canine and to please contact the local police department with any information regarding this person that may lead to his arrest.  The man and the canine are considered dangerous.  One eyewitness captured the attack on his cellphone here is the link of the attack:


March 5, 2013

Brownsville Chismeh Denies any wrongdoing with MR AMIGO Kidnapping

Brownsville Chiismeh, the famous liberal, free thinkers, and elite thinkers of Brownsville and Cameron County, have denied in their Facebook Page any involvement with the kidnapping and consequent release of famous Mexican actor Eduardo Yanez.  Eduardo Yanez was kidnapped  last weekend during charros day festival in the neighboring city of Matamoros, Tamaulipas, but was successfully released on Sunday evening just in time for the Sombrero Festival so fans and the Brownsville Community did not suspect anything a midst 

Brownsville Chiizmeh Web Page has denied that the actor was ever in danger, even though they posted the news article that mysteriously disapeared from the the Brownsville Monitor.  Brownsville Monitor reporter Lobo Wolf, stated that the family pleaded with them to keep the kidnapping a secret because they feared for their loved one.  Brownsville Cheezmi released the high profile case to its tens of viewers and pandemic erupted in the small town of Brownsville, Texas.

Leader of the chiizmeh Senorito Castro has denied any involvement even though he publicly apologized on the web page for posting the story that almost got the actor in trouble with Mexican Mafia.

Mayor Tony Tormenta is not releasing the details of the ransom, the amount or where the money was dropped, the actor was able to show up refreshed and gallant at the end of Sombrero Fest Festival and acted as if nothing ever happened.

March 3, 2013

Eduardo Yanez Mr. Amigo 2013 Still Missing

Residents of Brownsville, Texas and Matamoros continued on with this weekend festivities at Sombreros Fest and the Carnival not caring if famous Mexican Actor Eduardo Yanez was released to the safety of his family members that charted a private airplane yesterday evening and arrived in Mcallen, Texas today around 4:30 a.m.

The son of the actor that did not want o show his face to the public and news reporters stated to the Brownsville Herald that it expects help from the American Embassy in Matamoros and the Mexican Consulate in locating his father and his kidnappers before any more days pass by.

The Mexican Embassy in Brownsville has stated that they do not know for sure if the actor was actually kidnapped because there have been sightings of Mr. Yanez in South Padre Island but that they are going to have a meeting with Mayor Tony Martines and that they going to fully cooperate with ICE agents and FBI investigators that are going to be arriving tomorrow to look closely into this kidnapping and hopefully being able to work a deal with the captors for the safe release of actor Eduardo Yanez.

Crack Head Community in Brownsville, Texas upset with Charros Day Festivities.

                                          CRACKHEAD PARANOIA WHEN THEY ARE HIGH.

The crack head community that mostly populates the downtown area and the west of Brownsville are going to be meeting with City Commissioner Tony Martinez to discuss the repercussion to their habits that every year the Charros Day Parade and the attendees to the parade do to their houses, and their business.

Bee Quintana known for her hot messes on Facebook and on national TV has stated that she would be interested in representing the group of 145 crack and meth addicts that are going to meet with the Popular Mr. Martinez behind Sams Studio around  midnight to discuss new locations for the parade and festivities that will not interfere with their distributing and selling of crack cocaine and meth.  Bee Quintana and Judge Nietzsche have expressed in the valley monitor newspaper that they were interested in representing the group and talking to the mayor.

Susana "Loca" Chavez, explained to the Valley Monitor that every year thousand of fans and people dress in native Mexican folklore stomp on their grounds, park in their alleys, get drunk and high legally at Sombrero Fest, the Carnival and Downtown and with all the security hired to protect the Mayor, his wife and Mr. Amigo, they dont feel comfortable buying the drugs or just enjoying their highs near the alleys.

The meeting will also show the interesting lifestyles of druggies in Cameron County they are going to be showcasing canvases painted with feces and urine that were sprawled in heavy nights of getting high and giving blow jobs to affluent senile bloggers that cant get it up anymore. Abkill profits from the show and the meeting will go to Museo Casa del Nino of this town.

March 2, 2013

Eduardo Yanez, MR. AMIGO 2013 Kidnapped in the City of Matamoros

Eduardo Yanez famous for his Mexican Soap Operas and his dilemas in and out of Court Rooms with his ex-wife actress Francesca Cruz, was kidnapped at gunpoint in the neighboring City of Matamoros, Tamaulipas just as the Charros Days festivities where coming to an end.  Charros Day Parade has been an ongoing tradition and well known festival that unites the Cities of Brownsville and  Matamoros once a year from the Week of February 28th tru March 12th and it includes the voting and selection of a famed actor or musician to participate in the Parades and Concerts and ultimately, cross the International Bridge to Mexico to exchange a warm handshake with Matamoros Municipal President followed by another parade and showcase in that town, but in the past few years, mobs overtook the city and Matamoros as Reynosa and the rest of their county has been under heavily armed surveillance by the Mexican Marines and Federales that every day close streets and try and fight off the gangs and mobs known as the Zetas that have control over the city.

At approximately 3:20 p.m.  Eduardo Yanez was kidnapped at gunpoint a midst a fiery display of gun shots and eyewitness exclaimed he was taken away by a commando of 3 heavily armed SUV and seven to twelve men heavily armed and wearing masks.

His family stated in the Televisa Website that they hope this news is a hoax because they have not yet spoken to the actor and his cell phone goes directly to voice mail   Matamoros Chief of  Police, Miguel Aleman has been in contact with Brownsville City Commissioner Tony Martinez and are expecting the help of the American Embassy in Mexico and the SWAT team to try and contact the kidnappers and deliver the actor safely to his family.  Eduardo Yanez stated earlier this week that he was not afraid of the Violence that has taken over the city of Matamoros and that he was looking forward in meeting his Texans and Mexicans fans with "mucho carino".

Morrisey to fulfill Texas Tour Dates on Motorized Wheelchair

Singer Morrisey announced via Facebook and Twitter that he will come back to the United States and fulfill cancelled dates in the State of Texas starting in April.  The singer had to cancel most of his USA tour at the beginning of the year due to his mother failing health and also due to an diagnosis of bleeding ulcer that was affecting his vocal chords.

Morrisey management announced on Facebook that the singer has purchased several wheelchairs and electrical scooters to fulfill his dates in Texas without interruption, performing hits like "Everyday is like Sundy" and   "The boy with the thorn in his side" from the comfort mobility of a motorized wheelchair, when asked why of the idea, Morrissey stated that he is still to ill to perform standing up but that he owes it to his fans to show up no matter what state of mind or well being and even on his deathbed he will keep on singing because "the show, must go on..".   


MorrisseySaturday, March 2, 2013 at 7:30 PM
Hollywood High School
Los AngelesCalifornia
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MorrisseyMonday, March 4, 2013 at 8:00 PM
UC Davis - Mondavi Center
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MorrisseyWednesday, March 6, 2013 at 7:30 PM
Moore Theatre
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MorrisseyFriday, March 8, 2013 at 9:00 PM
Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall
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MorrisseySaturday, March 9, 2013 at 9:00 PM
The Regency Ballroom
San FranciscoCalifornia
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MorrisseyMonday, March 18, 2013 at 9:00 PM
Liberty Hall
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MorrisseyTuesday, March 19, 2013 at 8:00 PM
Rococo Theatre
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MorrisseyFriday, March 22, 2013 at 7:30 PM
Orpheum Theatre - MN
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MorrisseySaturday, March 23, 2013 at 8:00 PM
The Chicago Theatre
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MorrisseyWednesday, March 27, 2013 at 8:00 PM
Surf Ballroom
Clear LakeIowa