May 15, 2012

Al Fin! Mariguana Shop Finally opening in Brownsville.

After much closeted review of the case where Officers Hun and Juno were caught with a hundred pounds of cocaine in downtown Brownsville, today during a televised press conference that out shined famous "Project X" Commissioner Montemayor informed  the citizens of Brownsville of a brand new branch of Medical Marijuana Shops that will be located by hwy 511 and will be open to the junkies, sorry, public, June 30th of this year.  As we all remember Officers Juno and Hun are the ones behind this project that will bring Brownsville to the "future" and out of the dark ages and what better location than close to useless land by hwy 48 and SPI.

Commissioner Montemayor and local Judge Nietzsche are said to be invited to the grand opening scheduled in a few weeks.  When asked who was behind the financing, Commissioner Montemayor just stated the importance and great revenue this project will bring to the County offering the staggering amount of  $100,000 dollars a month in earnings and the opportunity to offer 20 new jobs for select citizens of Brownsville.  A raffle is scheduled in the next few weeks, 20 lucky citizens will be selected to work and operate the two shops June 10th of this year.  Results of the raffles as the names of the winners will be publish in the local penny saver, distinguished Bargain Book and of the shops FB page "Just lets Do it".  Commissioner Montemayor sadly informed the public that residents of Cameron Park, Southmost, Old Alice Road, all of Downtown neighborhoods for example, Fronton, Washigthon, Jefferson, St Charles, etc, etc, will NOT BE INCLUDED IN THE RAFFLE.  No word yet why of this decision but he did seemed nervous when asked why the discrimination. Local Candidate Filemon Vargas stepped in the conference and tried to ease rising tensions when often nervous, young looking Montemayor could not give a straight answer as to why all those residents will not be given a fair chance to earn a spot with the company. Instead Mr. Filemon showed a rather dull Power Point Slide of his elders and said "any project that brings jobs to town, is a good way to make more money".  Public records show that besides Officers Juno and Hun, Mayor Hyundai, and Judge Nietzsche have also invested serious amount of money in bringing this project into town.  They also informed that in the next few weeks the Bargain Book edition sans the South most edition, will offer the public an opportunity to register for a medical marijuana license, some of the prerequisites are simple:

1.- To be unemployed or receiving TANIF in the past Twelve years.

2.- A Doctors excuse that will explain in detail why the use of the herb will help the applicant deal with either stress, life, relationships break-ups, one night-stands, shady hotel renting, and pain or excruciating bipolar-ism.

3.- Proof of Medicaid Card, Medicare or Snap Benefits.

All this with either an outdated driver license or school credential will be sufficient to be part of a raffle that will give the applicants the opportunity to purchase the medicine and to get discounts at local eatery's and bars in town. Registered marijuana users will also receive a free bus pass for twelve months, discount up to 30% for electronics in local WaWa and RegretBuy and a free backpack and snacks for back to school.

No word yet if Bishop Hores will conduct a blessing of the establishment when it opens.

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