June 30, 2012

Movida Night Club to relocate to new "Half Moon Bar" courtesy of George Martinez.

George Martinez, promoter and supporter of Mock "Latin Jazz Day" festivals and meat markets in downtown Brownsville, has recently acquired a beer and wine license and is planning on opening the "Half Moon" a new trendy bar where the old Crescent Moon used to be located, as we all remember,   famous dubious Mr. Nietzsche and bureaucrats enjoying their wines and twenty minutes solos of hits by the Doors and Grand Funk.  .

Mr. Martinez saw potential in the old patrons and huapangos players of the old " La Movida" bar and club, and he recently hired the old matrons that run the bar and started posting in their old walls that they are invited to the grand opening of the new and improved "La Movida" nightclub and grill that will offer them spacious bathrooms where they can easily and without danger exchange their controlled substances and a lounge area where the famed prostitutes and drug  dealers will be able to offer to the old and new clientele cheap ways of getting high without the threat of law enforcement barging in.  Also in the works at the new bar, is a new patio area where carriers of medical marijuana ids will be able to purchase the cannabis and enjoy a night of raunchy huapangos, old couples necking, one dollar lone star while they embrace the fever of the music that is native and real to the region of Brownsville, Texas and not that crap of Latin Jazz or Pop that he so valiantly promoted throughout  the city for the past two years.

June 29, 2012

Brownsville's own Church of Scientology supporting Tom's Cruise Divorce amidst Homosexual Rumors.

Brownsville own Church of Scientology has issued a statement in their Facebook page that they support actor Tom Cruise divorce from actress Katie Holmes amidst rumors of Cruise Homosexuality and drug abuse.  Is well known that Tom Cruise has been part of the Scientology movement since the early 1990's when he stated that the doctrines and discipline of the church helped him beat his childhood dyslexia and helped him conquer and  be successful in  Hollywood. The news of the divorce came as a shocker to Cruise  attorney and personal assistant, Louis Stevenson: " Tom Cruise is deeply affected that Katie has decided to call it quits during his busy promotional tour of "Rock of Ages", he does not understand why Katie after six years of marriage wants to call it quits when he has been her provider and has not violated their prenuptial agreement".  When asked to be specific as to t the prenuptial agreement and their marriage, Mr. Cruise legal representative abruptly ended the phone call to the Brownsville Monitor assistant reporter thus making more believable the gossip that the marriage was a scam in order to avoid Tom Cruise sordid gay affairs to be leaked to the public.

Juan Torres, representative of The Church of Scientology in Brownsville Texas, has commented in the Church  personal webpage and Facebook  that they support Mr. Cruise divorce and that the Church of Scientology has always been aware of his sexual tendencies, Mr. Torres met Tom Cruise at the Hollywood Hills in the early 1980's,  were they became real  close friends while  living together in Sunset Boulevard while they were struggling to get acting gigs downtown: " Tom was always real nice to me, bathing me when i felt too tired to do so every time i got home from XXX photo shoots and i even met his sister and mother in Louisiana, when we both attended  an initiation  party at a well known Scientology Center where he wed Nicole Kidman and were both of us dedicated our lives to the teachings of  L. Ron Hubbard.  I moved back to the valley in the late 1990s and Tom helped me build the church in Jose Marti Blvd and he is primarily responsible for my marriage with my beautiful wife from China, Lao Tin". Mr. Torres stated in the  Church webpage that as soon as the divorce is final, he is going to travel to Russia to met Mr. Cruise and help him deal with the divorce gossip while he is on promotional tour for the film "Rock of Ages". " Tom is a close friend, we have kept in touch during the past twenty years, sometimes we met in Missouri and we spend quality time together, i have been with him thru his divorce with Nicole and i will be a strong shoulder to lean on during this one", Mr Torres wrote on the Church Webpage early Friday. " We ask for the Church Of Scientology and the community in Cameron County to send donations thru our PayPal account  and set up a personal fund to help cover the expenses of the "Rock of Ages" tour throughout Europe so we could show to Tom that he is not alone in this public ordeal, we will give the public an opportunity to enter a raffle where one lucky male winner will be able to join Tom Cruise and your truly throughout Europe during the promotional tour and will be able to visit the old continent while helping Tom deal publicly and personally  with this very embarrassing and public divorce".  No word  yet if Katie Holmes will visit Brownsville to met Mr. Torres and ask for his help in the divorce hearing set for August 22nd.

June 28, 2012

Cameron County Judges allowed use of Penile Pumps during Court Sessions, except during Family Law Trials.

Cameron County has issued a statement to their body of Judges that they are allowed to use penile pumps while in Court Sessions without no legal repercussions towards their careers.  This news comes to a surprise for the Oklahoma Court System that back in 2006 convicted former Judge Donald Thompson of lewd behavior and denied him his pension benefits when the Judge was surprised using a penile pump during court proceedings.  Cameron County Judge Nietzsche started the proceedings back in 2008, stating that Judicial Judges and Magistrates as well as District Attorneys work over 60 hours a week and some of them lack time to attend to sexual  therapy counseling.  the Supreme Court also took into consideration Judge Nietzche pleads that this new law will benefit the Judges and their sexual health making the divorce rate and infidelity rate drop 5%  in the next two years in their work staff.  The Supreme court has been toying with the idea of allowing penile pumps during Magistrate Court Sessions and Criminal Court Sessions to allow this new rule for the past seven months, allowing  middle age Judges that suffer from Erectile Dysfunction to be able to receive during regular working hours their therapy that can include the usage of clamps and  popular penile pumps.  Judges will have the freedom to use the penile pumps at their own discretion up to seven times a day, the only restriction is set for Family Law Judges and Legal Representatives that work in Family law not allowing them to use the penile pump devices during their court sessions but  are allowed to two hours a day disposal of  penile therapy in the privacy of their offices or restrooms. Cameron County is giving the participants until July 17th the opportunity of submitting medical paperwork that will validate their claim of usage of the pumps, as well as photographic evidence, brand of pump and Doctors orders that will validate their claim that they are in dire need of sexual counseling and therapy and that the use of the medical device is recommended and beneficial for their health and work performance.  Judge Nietzsche posted  in his Facebook page that the usage of "clamps or cock rings" and  "hanging" that consists of attaching to the glans a weighted device will not be allowed in any court of law or offices but if the employee can prove with a signed medical order that this therapy is beneficial for them to go ahead and discreetly hire an assistant that can perform the therapy during their lunch hours or days off in the privacy of their own homes.

June 26, 2012

Channel Four News: " We did not lie to the Lower Rio Grande Valley about Morissey Concert"!

In a news bulletin Channel Four News denies allegations that they mislead the Lower Rio Grande Valley promoting in their web page that famed The Smiths singer "Morrissey" was coming to the Pharr Arena Event Center this coming November 30th.  Channel Four News expressed in social media Facebook and their Webpage the following quote: " We express sincere regret to the fans that thought that Morrissey was coming to the valley, but in reality, we never mislead the public with promotion of the concert in our webpage, we always stated it was an impersonator.  We hope the public does not get discouraged with this situation and still enjoys the concert and the summer shows showing at the Pharr Arena Events Center".

Fans of Morrissey have taken to social outlets like Facebook and Twitter announcing disbelief and outrage at the misleading of this event. Thousands of fans are still holding unto their tickets and hopeful the event on November 30th wont be a scam.As for now, ticketmaster is not denying or confirming the story, the tickets are still on sale, but you can get a complete refund only in the first 72 hours.  Fans of Morrissey of the Lower Rio Grande Valley are ectastic with the news that he will be able to play in their little town, and they dont care if in the end, its an impersonator or a cover band, for them to listen to hits like "Girlfriend in a Coma" or " Let Me Kiss You" is worth the cover charge of $68.99.

If we will it, he will come...

June 24, 2012

Morrissey tickets on the rise! The sad thing is not Morrissey! Is a cover band..

Thousands of loyal fans of popular singer Morrissey lined up the Pharr Arena ticket center on Friday eagerly awaiting to purchase tickets for famed singer Morrissey scheduled to apear in Concert November 30th, what promoters for the show failed to announce to the public is that the singer appearing on stage is actually an impersonator, a great one, that has been touring the country for the past year and is well known in England and Ireland.  All of this comes to no surprise to Morrissey Manager William Keats that upon reading tweets of the famous superstar was going to visit a small town in Texas, contacted the singer over the weekend and wrote a statement on the official Morrisey page: " We are baffled to find out that hardcore fans of Morrissey have been swindled of their money by local wannabe promoters that took upon themselves to inform the Rio Grande Valley fans that Morrisey was going to perform when in actuality is a Impersonator that makes his living singing morrisey and The smiths covers with permission of Morrissey, we ask the fans to protest to this sham and to ask for a full refund, unfortunately, Morrissey conflicting schedule does not permit him to go to Cameron County and offer a concert in that area, he sends his love to thousands of fans that were part of this scam and hopes a good resolution comes out of it".

The Pharr Arena Civic Center has informed in their website that they did inform the public that in fact it was an impersonator, and not the actual singer that will be scheduled to perform November 30th and its blaming Channel Four News and Social outlets like Facebook and Ticket Master for failing to inform the public and making them believe the "actual" singer was going to be performing on our neck of the woods, as for now, no refunds are going to be available and for the fans that have questions or want their money back they are just going to have to enjoy "Morrissey tour of hits" this November 30th with musical guests Lilly Allen and Adele Simpson.

Alice tx

Alice is a litte town next to nowhere. I'm going there now to do nothing. Nothing means everything to me. So I pay attention to the sky. The colors are important. Try to learn the things you will miss. The motor sounds like music. The road is a concert. My socks are pussy. My lover is god.  

June 23, 2012

Local Brownsville Folk that embrace Rocket launches Protest Medical Marijuana Shop opening in Town next month!

Brownsville has given the go ahead in opening two medical and synthetic marijuana shops by the end of the month near old port Isabel road.  The shops will be open to the public 24/7 and lucky raffle winners are already being contacted with the information as to where to pick up their medical id's.  Cameron County has given the okay on the project amidst protesters that state that teenagers and people receiving medicaid and lone star benefits are the first in the list of getting their medical ids bracelets that will help them obtain legally the drug for medical purposes.

 The same 132 protesters that embrace Space X into coming to boca chica beach to blast off fauna and local habitat are now picketing local bars and car washes of famous cameron county employees, damaging  BMW's  and local tortilla stands, trying to get the city commissioner to stop construction on the medical shop and approve arrest warrants on more than the 2.000 lucky applicants that in the month of July will be able to get some marijuana and get high.

RGIS employee suing company, demanding sexual therapy as part of their insurance coverage.

RGIS employees in the lower Rio Grande Valley are meeting with RGIS executives managers on Tuesday regarding that they want for the company to include sexual therapists in their lists of medical providers stating that working long odd hours, crammed tours on vans and buses and hectic work schedules are interrupting their sexual needs and in some cases their sexual drives with their partners. All this comes as no news for fellow RGIS employees that reside in Cameron County, in the past year that have participated in a local research study that proves that RGIS company policies, schedule and procedures are affecting the sexual health and mental stability of male workers ranging in the ages of 22 to 45 years old. Twelve participants volunteered for the study that spawn over twelve months and included their sexual partners and the study showed that ten out of the twelve participants could not keep a relationship for more than a few months, five out of those ten participants fondled their patners in their sleep and counted out loud their body parts while they touched their thighs and counted out loud numbers and codes for imaginary inventories. The rest of the participants showed discontent when shoved in crammed vans and displayed vulgar tantrums while their partners complained of low sex drive or just interest in " quickies". RGIS executives listened intently to their employees complaints and requests while Mr. Phil Lookomotion calmly walked away from the discussion, took a trash can and a notepad and with calm voice announced to the employees and Human Resources Committee to write down all the complaints, calmly fold the sheets of paper and then deposit them to the trash can where later on as he dines at Tony Roma's he would read them and use them to clean the grease and barbeque sauce from his bony fingers. No word yet if the steak was rare or well done.

June 19, 2012

Momma take a look I just shit myself

It's okay son sh*tting yourself is not the end of the world. Take it from me I've  sh*t myself plenty of times

June 10, 2012

thrifty installment # 26 Never leave your job.

Well unless you're lucky enough to work at home for instance crack dealing or prostitution then you have to go to a remote place to work. Many people name this place their job. Some people talk about this place while expressing a face of pain. But it has been proven the more hours you spend at your job the more dimes you will find in your pocket. Also if you are working then you will spend less money entertaining yourself with pricey objects such as magazines and beer. Other objects can also be found at most jobs free of charge such as water and toilet paper. If you are not working right now you may want to ask yourself why? Second and third jobs can often be found to fill all hours of the day. One note of caution be sure to turn off the electricity to your home as well as water and other resources to discourage moochers and so-called family from wasting your hard earned dollars.

June 6, 2012

4.6 Magnitude Earthquake strikes near Brownsnsville

In an unprecedented event, a small magnitude earthquake reaching the 4.6 scale was felt around the area of downtown Brownsville, shattering some windows and creating havok for several minutes near the new Brownsville bus terminal. After several calls to 911 from frantic tourists that were waiting for their bus departures, that were delayed twelve minutes because of the incident, several Brownsville police department officers and their squad cars approached cautiously the area and came to the conclusion that the tremor was provoked by the incognito arrival of Brownsville own Mr. Erasmo Castro also known as "Brownsville Cheezmeh if i don't like your comments ill berate you senselessly and block you from my page, I lord of donuts and faithful  pup".

Mr. Castro arrived in town just in time for memorial day weekend and recent elections where he was been more than vocal on his Facebook page publicly stirring up drama in Brownsville own newspapers paying offensive ads with money that he religiously gathers from ten or twelve Brownsville cheezmeh members.  No word yet from his secretary based in Austin, Texas as how he is going to pay the damages incurred in twelve small businesses in the downtown area, most likely he will leech it out from his few blind, faithful admirers.

June 5, 2012

Hey! Lets Fuck Up Brownsville a little bit more organizing Mock Latin Jazz Shit! brought to you by fake realtors and wannabe crooks!

Not only do we have to worry about con artists and Space X hicks trying to  ruin our town, now we have to sit back and admire how realtors and low class wannabe artists little by little take down and shut down native Brownsville old cumbia and tejano bars of the downtown area.  The most recent little dark bar to be put under the radar is the all time favorite " La Movida" where you can sit and relax, gulp down a lone star and watch old and older couples dance the cumbias and huapangos close to each other, cheek to cheek with no inhibitions, just memories of old Brownsville and the way people use to listen and enjoy every corrido, zapateado and kiss on the neck.

The latest fiasco to inundate downtown is the so called " Latin Jazz Festivals" that together with "Mock Market Days" are made more for the uptight class of Brownsville, yes, the citizens that have never lived in the gutter, wandered naked and drunk on skid row and mistakenly organize and proclaimed that latin jazz is the " music of the region, the art, the culture, the flavor of Brownsville and the Rio Grande Valley", well what a bunch of FUCKED UP IGNORANT PRICKS.
What does Latin Jazz has to do with Brownsville? Is it not originally derived from African and Brazilian beats?  I don't see a bunch of Cubans or African Americans playing the Latin jazz and making people dance with joy. Tito Puente said it better: "Its Jazz with a Latin twist!. Yep, we are Latin, heck we are Hispanics, but what does Jazz with Latin beats that originally has and had more following on 5th Avenue has to do with our cumbias, our huapangos, our corridos?? Zero, Zilch, Nada!

Now, cumbias developed mostly in South America, and the Spaniards also were able to propagate this type of sound that eventually was embraced by Mexico and close to the South of the Border, hence also Brownsville.  Downtown Brownsville lights up at night with old bars filled with men and women that still belch out the songs of the past, and these musicians, with all their troubles are still trying to leave a legacy and teach the young people the way of the accordion, the bajo sexto, how you can sing with "lagrima en la garganta" or sentiment in your throat when you sing and hear the songs about failed relationships, women that treated their men badly and alcohol to ease the pain, bring hearts together and soothe wounds.

Crooks, wannabe politicians, realtors that really don't care about our town, and the upright and uptight of Brownsville already are destroying the old bars and stages where these men with their flashy vests and old accordions so much loved to be heard.  Recently, a well known bar burned to the ground, and after that, mobilization of shutting down la movida and out of the blue "stop work orders" on new venues where mysteriously plastered on the walls of new bars that will never be open to the public and old bars that lease old historic buildings that the greedy want to shut down..

but no fear my friends, you can still enjoy a $1.50 lone star at the "New Frontera" by Washington Street where the men and their vests and old cumbias and huapangos will take you back to the good old feeling of our heritage, the days when your grandparents went out and enjoyed dancing close to each other, now all that is left is to have a little faith that all those fuck ups will try and steal money from the Church or the Last Call Bar... Protect our downtown and let it be as it is...

June 1, 2012

My Review of my Victory v92c..

                                                              The victory v92c

. Having ridden motorcycles 30 years. This is my first cruiser. I bought it used a couple years ago. A quick scan of the Internet made me aware that this model bike apparently had some problems with the transmission but I have had no such issue. I find the bike very comfortable especially at highway speeds. This is a good thing because that is primarily why I was interested in getting a cruiser. Another concern for me was being able to comfortably ride a passenger. My girlfriend Rosa says she is comfortable and that's a good thing because someday we hope to go on a little trip. I don't push the bike and on the highway I rarely go faster than 70mph. But on the rare occasion that I do put on a display of acceleration the biker proves ample in the power category. The bike is Polaris first stab at producing a motorcycle although for many years they have made four wheelers and jet skis. My conclusion is that they wanted to built a motorcycle that is reliable but powerful on the road, sturdy for long travels but with an appealing body frame. The motorcycle uses six quarts of oil and a oil cooler to minimize engine failure and overheating. These bikes are out there and they can be found at a fair price. I have enjoyed this cruiser and I recommend it.